Social anxiety is more than just feeling shy. It’s a real, often overwhelming fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social settings. If you’ve experienced it, you know it can make everything from casual conversations to work meetings feel like a high-stakes performance.
When social anxiety strikes, the easiest way to feel safe can be to avoid people altogether. While stepping back occasionally is okay, avoiding social situations completely often makes anxiety worse over time. Instead, the key is learning how to deal with social anxiety in a way that helps you stay engaged with others while building confidence.
At Brooklyn Center for Psychotherapy, we work with clients every day to develop healthy coping skills that make social connections less stressful and more enjoyable. Here’s how to get started.
Recognize the Signs of Social Anxiety
Before you can work through social anxiety, it helps to understand how it shows up for you. Common signs include:
- Physical symptoms like sweating, shaking, blushing, or a racing heart
- Overthinking and self-consciousness during or after social events
- Avoiding eye contact or speaking in groups
- Replaying conversations in your head and focusing on perceived mistakes
- bat the last minute due to nerves
Noticing these signs early can help you put coping strategies into place before anxiety escalates.
Challenge Negative Thoughts About Social Situations
Social anxiety often comes from automatic, self-critical thoughts like:
- “Everyone will notice if I mess up.”
- “I’ll sound boring.”
- “People are judging me.”
The problem is that these thoughts are rarely true. They’re cognitive distortions or exaggerated ways of thinking that keep you stuck in fear.
How to challenge them:
- Ask yourself: What real evidence do I have for this belief?
- Consider alternative explanations: Maybe they were quiet because they were tired, not because I said something wrong.
- Remind yourself that people are generally focused on themselves, not analyzing your every move.
Start Small with Gradual Exposure
You don’t have to jump from avoiding social events to attending a big networking dinner. Instead, try gradual exposure starting with low-pressure situations and working your way up.
Example progression:
- Make small talk with a cashier.
- Call a friend instead of texting.
- Attend a small gathering with people you know well.
- Join a casual group activity like a class or hobby group.
- Attend a larger event with a trusted friend by your side.
Each step helps you build confidence while keeping anxiety manageable.
Focus on the Other Person, Not Yourself
When anxiety strikes, it’s easy to become hyper-aware of your own feelings, appearance, or performance. Instead, shift your focus outward by:
- Asking open-ended questions
- Really listening to the answers
- Noticing details about the environment or conversation topic
This takes the spotlight off you and makes interactions feel more natural.
Practice Relaxation Techniques Before and During Social Events
Calming your body can help calm your mind. Try these stress management techniques before and during social situations:
- Deep breathing: Inhale slowly for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat.
- Grounding exercises: Name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release different muscle groups to release tension.
These tools can help reduce the intensity of physical anxiety symptoms, making it easier to engage with others.
Set Realistic Social Goals
Instead of expecting yourself to be perfectly confident in every interaction, set small, achievable goals. For example:
- Say hello to one new person at a party
- Stay at an event for 30 minutes before deciding whether to leave
- Share one personal story in a group conversation
Small wins build momentum and help you see progress over time.
Seek Professional Support When Needed
If social anxiety is keeping you from meaningful relationships, career opportunities, or everyday activities, it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional.
Therapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can help you:
- Identify and challenge anxious thought patterns
- Learn effective relaxation and coping skills
- Build confidence in real-life social situations
- Break the cycle of avoidance and fear
At Brooklyn Center for Psychotherapy, our licensed mental health providers offer compassionate, culturally informed care tailored to your unique needs. We offer both in-person and virtual therapy, making it easier to get started in a way that works for you.
You Can Be Social Without Feeling Overwhelmed
Social anxiety doesn’t have to mean isolation. With the right strategies and the right support, you can feel more at ease in social situations and enjoy deeper connections with others.
If you’re ready to move past avoidance and start building confidence in social situations, we’re here to help. Request an appointment today to get started.